Another Suitcase in Another Hall

So, here I am. On the eve of the one-year mark of one of the most horrible times of my life... The day I had to get the law to intervene to protect me from my dad & my younger sister. The story is actually petty & stupid, which should illustrate just how unforgivably STUPID their behavior is, so I'll spare you the details. Anyway, my personal protection order expires May 11... And oh shits, that's today, now. I'm home alone & my address is available to people it probably shouldn't be available to. My dad I'm not too worried about since he's recovering from a very omplex foot surgery, but my sister runs with all kinds of shady sketchy people (great role models for my niece & nephew, right?). I don't think anythin will happen, but... Still scary.

Next month will be my official one-year TTC mark, even though we tried on & off for the year previous.

that first TTC month I wasn't surprised when I did not get a pregnant result... I was coming off the pill & was going through a time of extreeeeme stress... Of all the myths & wives tales, the stress thing is legit!

so now it's May 2011. I had such hope that I'd be
bringing a little nugget into the world in a few weeks from now.

this is Really. Freakin. Hard.

I sort of feel like the purpose is missing from my life & that's a sucky-ass feeling.

I thought I'd have a baby by now.

my friend TJ asked me last night if I was in the 2WW. I said "yeah I guess" cuz technically I am. Steve was home at a very opportune ewcm moment but I didn't waste $ on OPKs to confirm cuz I am waving the white flag. I'm surrendering. It's all I can do, now... I'm in insurance limbo, and I'm down on my 50/50 chances by half.

this is the time I'm supposed to be huge & uncomfortable & excited to squeeze a tiny human out of my lady-bits. I'm not.

the wait list for chinese adoption has extended to 8-10 YEARS. YEARS. So much for my precious asian baby.

I thought I'd be pregnant and I'm not.

A Day We Don't Do...

Here at The Infertility Closet, we don't do Mothers' Day.

I know some of you subscribers/readers are mothers, and I mean no offense, but a Mothers' Day post is not in the works here.

My husband is out of town, I woke up to a dog hairball, and my own family is so jacked up that the only moms-day communication I had with my mom was I sent her a text & she wrote back.

Yesterday I found out a friend from beauty school is pregnant again... After having a baby in November. It's a "surprise". Yeah. Kick me when I'm down.

so, Happy Sunday Like Any Other, everyone!!!

uughhh

I WANT TO MAKE A POSITIVE BLOG POST. I REALLY DO.

I want to tell you all those fun sunshiney things, like... That I finally got knocked up, won a home makeover giveaway by one of the most creative people I've seen in a while (or even cracked top 15), love my job, and don't ever miss my husband while he's driving truck. But then I'd be someone I hate- A LIAR.

so for now I will sit in my beige nightmare, dreaming of a plum & creme bedroom suite, a nursery or even spending tonight snuggled up with my love-bug instead of my elderly pets.


I don't like being negative bc I don't like bringing my readers down, but kids... When it sucks, it sucks *shrug*

just gonna have to pray my fortunes turn around soon.

in the meantime, here are photos from my life:

these will be huge until I get around to resizing. Sry.


Simon trying to decide if he wants to gnaw on part of my craft project:



Bear deciding thunderstorms means lap-time with Mommy, much to her surprise:



again. No apologies for the largeness of photos. I blog via phone & photobastardbucket uses flash to resize photos so I'm screwed till at least sometime tomorrow.


dog farted. Rude as hell, right in my bed too.

VOTING NOW OPEN

PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEASE go here and vote for me!!!

my entry is #68 "My Home: Slightly Used (by Jen)"

Thank you in advance. I REALLY want to win this... Or at least come darn close!!!