Monday, April 11, 2011

Yep. Still infertile.

haven't blogged in 6 days... Haven't had much to say other than crabbing about my period. Which is ending, though reluctantly, it seems. I wrote it an eviction notice & it seems to be working.

I have a lot going on in life right now. I'm finally able to work as a hairdresser & I'm doing a job I hate out of necessity. I'm about to open a play that's my 2nd biggest role of all time. Steve is out playing Brother Trucker again.

Today we were talking about possibly not conceiving naturally & possibly not even going through with IVF. I don't know if I'm willing to gamble with $8,000. And that's assuming it works the first time... We have discussed the option of adopting & we are very extremely open to it, and it looks better every day. I might miss being pregnant, but the women in my family do NOT stay small through pregnancy so I might be ok with it, lol.

we also discussed the subject of moving. We don't have much tying us down to this location other than our house. I wanted to pick it up & move it after it's paid for (manufactured home), but maybe we'll just sell it & chase our dreams in Chicago, Vegas or California.

I have to resign myself to the fact that there is very little chance that I will personally be birthing a child from my body... I have to look further down the road beyond the speed bump & try to start LIVING again. I am sooooo depressed.

anyway. Period is ending & doubtful Steve will be home for magical ovulation time. That's sorta where we stand.


  1. You should move to Vegas, I'm about 4 hours from there! :)

  2. 8,000? Where do I find IVF that cheap LOL.

    I get ya. I was just thinking about the possiblity this morning of never carrying my own child. It is on my mind all day every day. At this point I wonder how much sleep I have lost over the what if's?! Pfft.

    Hang in there. You are not alone in it :)