8/9DPO: I'm just tired of it.

8/9DPO- I am blogging sort of "in between" days.

I felt more comfortable posting here than "the other site" because I feel like there's lots of drama going on around there. It's annoying. Hopefully it'll pass over time. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop & for the drama & insanity to move into my "preferred" sub-forum... Then I'll have to put the cyber-smack down. Ugh, I don't have the energy.


Steve went back to driving truck for a living. This is good & also bad. Good, cuz we could use all that extra money and bad, cuz if I don't get a BFP this cycle (no breath-holding), then I'm pretty much screwed as far as TTC goes... Unless I magically ovulate on a weekend when Steve is home... How many effing dice do I have to roll to deal with this shit??? Not really a risk I was willing to take... HOWEVER with the extra money from trucking I could afford that damn RE, especially since my insurance is gone now it'll be that much more! Meehhhhhhhhh.

Anway, lets do a quick symptom recap. I'm 8DPO & eperiencing the following *IPS* emphasis imaginary:

*My boobs feel HUGE. They're already DD's but it's like they're totally in my way, like all the time.

*Also sore/tender, but to pressure only.

*Odd things are happening with my CM.

*I am crampy & kinda nauseous, but that couldve been the 9:30 PM McD's chicken nuggets!

*Also very tired. That's just me though.

I am trying really hard not to get all IPS worked up. I don't even want to get excited. Today is the first day I've even mentioned the possibility out loud. As soon as I said "Theres a minute chance I'm pregnant," that AF would show up. As I'm writing this, I feel like I have AF cramps.

I am dooming myself. I am setting myself up for failure. The more I dwell on it, the more I feel like I push any prospect of a baby far far away.

will I ever be able to try & enjoy a 2WW or have FUN noting my IPS? Will any of this ever be fun or have any kind of positivity ever again?

I'm at a loss. I'll let you know when AF shows up.